football is'nt healthy for me

As the title says football is'nt healthy, I just saw Brazil loose against Holland. (how the f?!) All the old feelings came flowing back, the rage, the anger, the feeling of loosing control, the feeling of wanting to go into a fight with the first person who spits the loss in my face, friend or for alike. Even as I'm writing this I can feel it in my arms, muscles straining, trying hard to keep a neutral face, even if I feel more like running far away. Run until all my energy is gone, just like old days.
Who would've thought that thoose old feelings were hiding still, deep inside so deep that even I thought they were gone, my anger management issues that no one in my later life (exept family) knew about.

If "youmakemesmile" had'nt made me laugh I would've cracked together in a mixture of anger and hate, sadness and rage, people would've gotten hurt and I would probably loose my student visa, or worse.

I really need to handle my anger better, I have managed pretty good theese later years since I started highschool, it's also since I got a "new" life where people did'nt know who I was or what I could do. (they didnt belive me when I told them of old days)

My arms still aches but it's starting to dissapear, I still have the sudden muscle tighting, where my muscles are pulling together so hard that my arms and legs are twitching.

Maybe I should go to a doctor or anybody.

I can still feel it, my neck straines, my muscles aching, it's like a drug (I guess) a great feeling, at the same time you worry, you're afraid.
Scared to hurt someone you care for or even love, please dont let me sink back in that dark hole.